Bella, Samantha, Starbuck and them all and always for my Motown Angel.

I know, I know, I haven’t written anything for long awhile. The reason is simple it’s always the same news, the same scandals, only the names change. I will continue to write about politics and communication in the future but today I going to write about something different. So hang in there with me.
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I don’t understand people who do not like or care for dogs. I just don’t get it. My Dad told me a long time ago that “there was something wrong with people who didn’t love animals.” He warned “I should be cautious with people like that. He said “something was missing in them.” I asked what, he replied “possibly a soul and definitely a heart.” This is the only area of life that I remember my Father making a blanket judgment about people. He believed that a dog gave you unconditional love. It loved you freely and if treated with love it would reflect that love back to you a thousand different ways.

Growing up we always had one, two, three dogs, they were part of our family. We celebrated the mutual love between us. We cared for them and at times of pain and heartbreak they cared for us. Sure, some of them were sloppy eaters, some had “accidents,” some would get into things they had no business in but they were family. We loved and they were friends, true friends.

There is something that is pure about a dog’s love, something good and decent. Because of this love I created the BearhounD stories for my daughter and her friends, because of this love I was able to get through the loss of my daughter, her two dogs, Duke and Tina never left my side during the initial days. The love for those dogs was so great the funeral director had her funeral procession drive by the house on the way to the burial so she could be close them one more time and that they good be close to her. Her love for those dogs and all dogs was well known in our community. I guess this may sound stupid to some, certainly too sentimental for others but those of us who truly love these animals, we understand.

Yesterday morning, I had three dogs. Today, I have two. My youngest little dog Bella, a Yorkie was killed Saturday morning in an accident. She would have been four on June 19.

I loved this little friend, she was always by my side, she was my companion, little dogs are like that. I cannot and will not explain what I am feeling, it is too painful, I am too numb. My life has been devalued to some extent, dramatic comment sure but very true. I love the other too the same way, after all they were my Daughter’s dogs and I am sure that they love me but not in the way they loved her. This little dog, Bella, from the moment she came through the door was mine and mine alone. Too say I will miss her doesn’t do justice or come close to what I am feeling.

Last night, my priest and friend asked me, no told me, to come over for dinner and to talk. I didn’t want to but I went. I forgot all the things I knew about theology and wanted to know why, why this beautiful and loving little creature had to die and in my pain and suffering asked how could God let this happen? What purpose did it serve? All this little dog did was love and bring joy into the lives she touched. I even said “haven’t I lost enough?” He was calm and in a kind voice he said he knew that I knew better but he let me get it out. He went to talk about the greatest argument against God is that terrible things happen. He said “if God was they way God worked,” he didn’t want to work for him. But he said that isn’t how God works. He explained we live in a broken world and in essence God id not a micro manager pulling strings.

We talked about free will and I asked what lesson I am supposed to learn from this and he said there isn’t a lesson here, that in a broken world bad things happen for no reason. He went on to talk about God’s roll in this and in other tragic things is to help us to heal.

I understand all this and intellectually and spiritually I believe it but it doesn’t make this loss any easier. I would go home and feel the void, no little one running up to the door, sitting on the couch watching TV with me, sleeping at the end of my bed or licking me on the nose while she sat on my chest with loving eyes. This is the second dog I have lost since returning to St. Louis. A year before, my daughter died we lost Samantha, a small black lab mix due to complications after surgery.
When I lost my daughter, my heart was broken and still is you don’t move on but I have tried to move forward, as I think she would have wanted.

Of course there is no comparison to the loss of your child and the loss of a pet but you grieve and your heart breaks a little more. No one would understand this more than my daughter, Sondra. She grieved for my dog Starbuck, she grieved for our cats and she grieved for Samantha and if she were here she would be grieving for Bella. I grieve for the loss of them all my daughter and all the friends that made our lives better because of their unconditional love and companionship.

I know, to some they will read this and say get over it they were just dogs, cats, a few fish and a turtle. If that is your reaction the next time you go to see your doctor, ask him to check if you have a heartbeat.